Tag Archives: Drunkeness

Waiting

Posted in Reflections From My Heart by
woman wearing brown shirt inside room

“Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” Psalm 38:15

Do you think about Jesus’ return? I do. Most often it’s when I hear something incomprehensible, where we are left with more questions than answers. Murders, police shootings, devastating forest fires, hurricanes, tsunami’s, suicides, animal cruelty, political tensions, school, church and workplace violence. I could go on and on and if I started naming headlines, not only would we becomed depressed, but it would completely derail the intent of this message.

Today is day 102 in sobriety and I have to admit, I can’t believe it. Has it been easy? I would be lying if I said yes. However, I have read books, Facebook posts, heard testimonies, held conversations and met addicts who have had it, or currently have it, far more difficult than me. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t hit my inevitable rock bottom, but regardless, it truly is a daily decision that, “Today, I will chose to NOT drink.” I do have an appreciation for (and a completely deeper sense of admiration for) ANY one who reclaims their life by living one day at a time in recovery.

One of the thoughts that I used to ponder on the mornings after I had “a few too many” is, “What if Jesus came last night?” Would I be raptured, could I be raptured drunk? After all (to justify myself) the bible says that I am sealed by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:22) and on account of his grace (Ephesians 2:8-9), I assumed I would be fine; but Matthew 24:48-51 says otherwise.

“But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

As you know, I am not a bible scholar, just a girl who loves Jesus and who has felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to get a handle on her drinking; I interpret this to mean, “No!” But even if I’m wrong, these verses are still make it clear that, “To profess to be a Christian and then turn around and behave in a manner that is in complete contrast to a Christian life is hypocritical.” Some of you may not need complete sobriety to do it but, unfortunately, due to the stronghold of addiction, many of us do. May I add that I want to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21), not “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Matthew 23:25).

May I leave you with these verses to be encouraged, which is one that a Godly Girlfriend, sister in Christ, sent to encourage me on a difficult day, “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7-9

Be victorious, through Christ, TODAY!

 

 

Don’t Look At Me That Way

Posted in Reflections From My Heart by
adult alone anxious black and white

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” Romans 12:2

“I quit drinking.”

I just know what is coming next. The person to whom I am speaking drops their shoulders, tilts their chin, leans in closer while shaking their head and says, “I am so sorry, I had no idea that you had a problem.”

Wait, WHAT? I am proud of the fact that I quit drinking. I lost 20 lbs, my clothes fit better and my complexion is clearer. I have more energy, I’m sleeping better and I’m 10x more productive. My head isn’t cloudy, my memory has drastically improved and I am an all around a much happier and healthier person and if you put all these things together, I am a stronger, more confident, better educated, champion in life. I’m not sorry, I’m so excited for all the great benefits that have resulted from this decision that I can’t wait to share it with people!

I do have to give credit to some a select few who do know me and have responded with “Good for you” or “I’m proud of you”, but most often I hear the follow up comment as, “I could never do that!” Yet I’m the one gets sympathy?

Just for kicks, what if we changed the conversation over to, “I quit smoking, I stopped gambling or reigned my dead-end job? What if I gave up carbs, cut back on social media, am avoiding refined sugar or I decide to join Weight Watchers?” Regardless of how bad my problem was in these areas I would likely hear, “Good for you”, “That’s awesome”, or, “I should [fill in the blank].”

Is there a difference?  Yes, stigma!

If you Google “Drinking capital of the US“, the top search will bring you to a 2018 article from USA Today that lists the top 20 drunkest cities and my great state of Wisconsin holds 10 out of the 20 cities listed. Not that my geography has anything to do with my choice to consume or not consume alcohol, but I live smack dab in the middle of the #1 and #3 ranked “drunkest” cities; Green Bay and Appleton. This means that by mere per capita, most everyone that I am sharing this news with probably has an alcohol problem too, but they, within their own state of denial, are extending pity on me? I think it goes without say, but we need to feel sad for them.

It’s been 110-ish days since I personally and consciously made the decision to refrain from drinking alcohol, yet I find myself having “the conversation” and proceed to deny that I have had even a hint of a problem; primarily out of fear, shame or risk of being labeled as an alcoholic – or worse – getting that sympathetic reaction from people.

This reaction that makes me feel ashamed and weak as if I’m an outcast and the local weirdo.

We need to get the word out that people who quit drinking are not victims, sufferers and not everyone who quits drinking has hit some rock bottom that they picked themselves up from. Instead, I would rank them among societies hero’s, conquerors and dedicated over-comers because they have unbelievable will-power, are surrounded by a huge support system and, like me, are empowered to live a better quality of life and are able to see life in vivid technicolor unhindered.

1 Thessalonians 5:6-11, “So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. for those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on the faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath, but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

I also found this Tedx Talk by Clara Pooly and she does a great job of articulating this. We have similar stories and share the same opinion, I encourage you to check it out.

To all my fellow non-drinkers out there. Keep fighting the good fight. Our lives are better for it and next time someone shakes their head and asks surprised that they didn’t know you had a problem, do a better job of standing tall. I have some work to do.

When God Steps In to Fix Your Problem

Posted in Reflections From My Heart by
broken glass shadow wooden table

“Do not get drunk on wine because it will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit” Ephesians 5:18 (NLT)

Today marks 3 weeks – 21 days – since I made the decision to live sober. I’m going to have to make this a multi-entry blog over the next few weeks because what I have witnessed and experienced in just 3 weeks of sobriety is nothing short of amazing. I want my journey, learning’s, disciplines and new habits to encourage others. Are you with me?

The million dollar question is, “Why did I quit drinking?”  The short answer… God.

The long answer…

  • Years of bad decisions that have manifested themselves into deep shame and regret;
  • A daughter pointing out that the first thing I do when I get home from work is pour myself a glass of wine before I do anything else;
  • A rapidly decreasing memory and a constant fuzzy, cloudy brain;
  • Being a pants size too big for over the past year, feeling fat and unhealthy;
  • Feeling conscientious of smelling like or sweating alcohol at my morning workout;
  • Tired of trying to moderate or keep my drinking under control only to wake up the next day feeling sick and coming to the realization that “I did it again;”
  • Finding reasons or excuses to justify drinking;
  • A long history of watching alcohol destroy my family;
  • My youngest brother getting his 3rd OWI and visiting to him while he was in treatment;
  • Failing efforts to go a week, let alone a day, without a drink;
  • Being jealous of others who don’t drink and wishing I had that kind of will power;
  • Absolutely fed up with being a hypocrite.

I will unpack all of these in future posts.

For the purpose of this first edition of “Why I quit drinking and am choosing sober living” starts with God. He really is the reason that I declared my sentencing and finally put the gavel down. That day and everyday since He has affirmed me and given me the strength to do this. If you read the bible, you know that God has a lot to say about idols. Even if you don’t read the bible you probably know the 10 commandments and #1 is pretty clear, “Thou shall have no other God’s before me” (Exodus 20:3 NIV). When you have god (small g) that is in direct conflict with thee God, there is a clash of priorities which produces stress, unrest, bitter consequences and constant, relentless conviction. For me it was living with a continuous guilt that I was not acting or living according to God’s will for my life.

How do you recognize an idol? An idol is anything that you make more important than God and “it” can take on many identities. Those of us with addictive personalities, it is anything that we obsess about or allow, to give or have, power over us. I remember telling myself, “Instead of drinking tonight, I am going to read my bible” – which I meant and greatly desired. Yet, I would get home from work and feel like I really needed a glass of wine to relax or worse, pouring myself a glass of wine and then sitting down to read my bible. I would have no recollection of what I read and I would get easily distracted by Facebook or some other mindless activity which drained my ambition and would stonewall any plans that I would have for the night.

I am convinced that alcohol is a tool the devil uses to take our minds off of what is important. It becomes our idol because we seek gratification from it; Self gratification or pride being worst idol of all. Whenever you think you “deserve” something, that is a warning sign that you may be nudging God out.

Whenever we satisfy yourselves and seek pleasure of anything outside of God, that is another warning sign that we are prioritizing an idol. John 4:13, “Jesus answered, Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed the water I gave them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

I was thirsty again and again at the bottom of every bottle of wine and felt empty again and again every morning.

Here are some verses that God has used to convict me of late:

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

“What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk” Isaiah 5:11 (NLT)

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” Romans 12:3 (NIV)

“Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.” 1 Peter 1:13 (NIV)

“The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray.” 1 Peter 4:7 (NIV)

When these verses kept showing up more and more frequently I knew it was God putting his finger on something I needed to address. I know that drinking alcohol is not a sin by itself and I admire (and am jealous of) people who can enjoy a drink or two with self control. I guess my stop button is broken. I was falling into sin far to frequently, knowing full well that I was not acting or behaving in a way that would bring glory and honor to God; to whom I profess as Lord and the leader of my life.

I have listened to hundreds of testimonies over the past several weeks and I have found them to be very empowering. In recovery, it is strongly recommended that you don’t isolate yourself, not only for your own healing, but for the healing of others as well. This falls in line with the purpose and mission of Godly Girlfriends, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing,” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV)

This is me, leaning into my own healing and coming out of the dark. Please like this post if it encouraged you today and please share it with others who may benefit from this and future blogs on this subject so we can strengthen one another and stop the devil from ruining our lives and the lives of those we love and care about.