Waiting

woman wearing brown shirt inside room

“Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” Psalm 38:15

Do you think about Jesus’ return? I do. Most often it’s when I hear something incomprehensible, where we are left with more questions than answers. Murders, police shootings, devastating forest fires, hurricanes, tsunami’s, suicides, animal cruelty, political tensions, school, church and workplace violence. I could go on and on and if I started naming headlines, not only would we becomed depressed, but it would completely derail the intent of this message.

Today is day 102 in sobriety and I have to admit, I can’t believe it. Has it been easy? I would be lying if I said yes. However, I have read books, Facebook posts, heard testimonies, held conversations and met addicts who have had it, or currently have it, far more difficult than me. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t hit my inevitable rock bottom, but regardless, it truly is a daily decision that, “Today, I will chose to NOT drink.” I do have an appreciation for (and a completely deeper sense of admiration for) ANY one who reclaims their life by living one day at a time in recovery.

One of the thoughts that I used to ponder on the mornings after I had “a few too many” is, “What if Jesus came last night?” Would I be raptured, could I be raptured drunk? After all (to justify myself) the bible says that I am sealed by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:22) and on account of his grace (Ephesians 2:8-9), I assumed I would be fine; but Matthew 24:48-51 says otherwise.

“But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

As you know, I am not a bible scholar, just a girl who loves Jesus and who has felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to get a handle on her drinking; I interpret this to mean, “No!” But even if I’m wrong, these verses are still make it clear that, “To profess to be a Christian and then turn around and behave in a manner that is in complete contrast to a Christian life is hypocritical.” Some of you may not need complete sobriety to do it but, unfortunately, due to the stronghold of addiction, many of us do. May I add that I want to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21), not “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Matthew 23:25).

May I leave you with these verses to be encouraged, which is one that a Godly Girlfriend, sister in Christ, sent to encourage me on a difficult day, Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7-9

Be victorious, through Christ, TODAY!

 

 

With Great Expectation

atmosphere blue bright clouds

Light shines on the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.  Psalm 97:11

A friend recently said to me, “God is so pleased with you right now, His face is shining down on you because you quit drinking.” I listened in disbelief and thought to myself, “Really?”

The truth is, “Yes, really.” I can be certain of that because I know truth and the truth is that God loves me and when I am living in obedience, he promises blessings. I did a bible search for the word “desires” and 50 results came up. Among them is Psalm 145: 17-19, “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of tho who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them” (NIV).

I know God has been telling me for a long time that drinking has been a blemish that tarnishes my claim to be a believer, and as you know from blogs past, I had to quit drinking to be obedient.

God is faithful and just, when God wants you to know he’s not pleased with some aspect of your life, he has a way of letting you know.

Fortunately I didn’t need to need a wake up call like a DUI or worse!

I do have a confession (since it’s just us girlfriends). On my celebratory day 61, I had a glass of wine and, to be honest, I did it with full intention because I wanted to test myself. I wanted to see if #1 – I could stop at just one, #2 – that I could control my drinking and possibly go back to being a social drinker if I could prove that I had a “handle on it” and #3 – Because I didn’t think it would be considered relapse if I didn’t drink under stress, duress or weakness.

Here is what this experiment taught me: #1 – I have incredible willpower because despite the strong temptation to order a second drink, I stayed true to myself and only had one #2 – I cannot go back to being a social drinker because the in the sobriety community says, “You take the first drink, the drink takes a second drink and the third drink takes you.” This is a battleground, this saying is true! and #3 – My amazing support system pointed out that what I did is, in fact, relapse, there is no such thing as “testing addiction” (Oops!).

So, here’s to today and celebrating, what I call my “Dover 30 days” for my do over and I’m 30 days sober (again!). Today I live in the confidence that God IS shining down with pleasure upon me for choosing him over alcohol. I am at peace and I know he is pleased with me and out of my heart of obedience, I await the blessings.

Praise be to God!