Just Not Fair


One year ago, in the heat of my job search, I was asked the question, “What kind of job are you looking for?” Fast-forward to today and the exact job that I described starts in two days; the day after Easter. In an effort to leave my previous role in good faith, I gave a generous six week notice. To be perfectly clear about my intentions, I sincerely wanted to transition well. With over 80 stakeholders dependent upon me, I not only wanted to contact each one to complete any unfinished projects, but, I also wanted to leave that role, the company, my team and successor better off than when I started six short months ago.

TESTED:  One week into my resignation, the President of the company announced that the company will benefit from the recently passed Trump Tax Bill and decided to pass that savings along to the employees in the form of a bonus – Myself EXCLUDED. Even worse, one week prior to my last day of employment, He announced an incentive to which he denied me – AGAIN! A total loss exceeding $8,000. Ouch!

This news was such a blow. After all, I gave this company 110%. Since the beginning I went above and beyond the terms outlined in my job description. I accepted additional travel away from my family, adjusted hours to accommodate those who needed me outside of my normal business hours and frequently responded to emails/voicemail on off hours. Don’t I “deserve” this bonus?

Emotions aside, God has done a work in my heart over the past six weeks to the point where I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t deserve anything. I didn’t do anything that I did, or had planned to do, with the expectation of receiving bonuses. Since day one, I was wholeheartedly working for the Lord, not for men (Colossians 3:23), but isn’t it interesting that once money entered the picture, feelings of greed, selfishness and entitlement began to dominate my thoughts and motives.

The bible has a lot to say about greed and on this side of heaven, nothing is fair. Even King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, says in Ecclesiastes 5:10, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.”

Here are a few more:

Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

Proverbs 22:9, “The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor.”

Luke 12:15, “Then he said to them, ‘Watch out! Be on guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist of the abundance of his possessions.”

So I conclude on this celebratory Easter weekend that I am ever so grateful for Jesus Christ and his death on the cross, that assures heaven for all who believe. If you find yourself in a situation that just isn’t fair, like me, be reminded of Matthew 6:20, But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Our eternal rewards far exceed the temporal things of this world.

If anyone doesn’t deserve something, Jesus didn’t deserve to die on the cross for me and I most certainly don’t deserve his ongoing gifts of grace and mercy. My past employer can keep my bonus money, because I know where my real treasure is. I now pray that God receives glory for my conduct this last six challenging, heart-tested weeks.



Don’t Vow Lightly


Today’s Devotion: Numbers 6

I write this with a heavy heart. Sometimes I read God’s word and I am reminded of just how small I am in the bigger picture of God’s greater plan. Here in chapter 6 we learn about the Nazarite vow. Essentially, any man or woman of Israel could take a vow for a period of time, or a lifetime, and become a Nazarite. This isn’t just a go-through-the-motions kind of decision, this is all in.

I made a vow to the Lord that I wanted to be a Christian; a follower, believer and  a woman of God. I surrendered it all 10 years ago in that church pew and God took me in. I have had quite a journey with Him and I see the world through a completely different lens still today. My vow, back then was, “LORD, take my business, take my daughter, take my life. I can’t please people anymore, I don’t know what is right or what is wrong. I can’t keep trying to live my life on my own, take it – it’s yours!”

I meant it too. I realized that day that I was done pleasing people and I wanted to live to please the LORD. Oh how I have a short-term memory. I have trampled over that vow many, many times. Some intentionally and some completely unknowingly.

So, why does chapter 6 hit me so hard? Well, it is a reminder of what a vow looks like and how people (Israelite/Nazarites) would willingly, voluntarily subject themselves to not drinking wine or shaving their hair. Pure sacrifice. I can’t say that my life has been a sacrifice. Stuff gets in the way of my relationship with God – busy, selfish, prideful, earthly, human stuff.

Although, God knows I am not capable of being everything Jesus was when He came to earth and He also knows that I do love Him and desire to please Him. Life is so complicated sometimes and sometimes right and wrong aren’t black and white. So this one thing I know… He has a plan for my life and even if I make a mess of it, He will still be my LORD and Savior.

Sometimes when I’m feeling inadequate, these are the promises I rest upon. Perhaps if you feel the same way, we can take the example of the Nazarite vow and remember that God gave us a new day. Take a deep breath and appreciate oxygen, your beating heart, the sight of His creation and know that with this new day, His mercy abounds.