At The End Of Ourselves

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6

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The book of Acts is incredible. It’s like a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time. Today I read Acts 27:13-26 and couldn’t help but recognize some parallels between the storm they were facing and the storms that I face in my own life.

My Wiersbe Bible Commentary says, “Sometimes we get ourselves into storms for the same reasons: impatience, accepting expert advice that is contrary to God’s will, following the majority, and trusting ‘ideal’ conditions. ‘He that believes shall not make haste’ (Isaiah 28:16). It pays to listen to God’s Word.”

CONVICTING! I have done this – I do this still! Practicing everything but not listening and willingly obey God’s Word.

I have gotten better at this because I do find myself praying to God, “This is just too big for me or too much for me to handle, I know I have to trust YOU with this, Lord.” Admittedly, I should just say, “You got this God” and then confidently trust Him, but no, I don’t naturally do that. God and me, we arm wrestle sometimes. I give it to Him and take it back, and then give it to Him again, only to take it back. Finally I fatigue and throw my arms up and proclaim, “You win!”

It is so me to have to get to the end of myself first and THEN give it to God. I’m just being real here.

The verse within this section that glared me straight in the face is verse 20b that says, “We finally gave up all hope of being saved.” God does bring us to the end of ourselves, doesn’t He? After we have “tried” to do everything we humanly can to “fix” our circumstances, rationalize our efforts and work our way through the messes (as if our lives depended on it), instead of trusting on the Lord with all our hearts and leaning NOT on our own understanding, but in ALL our ways, to acknowledge Him first, so He can make our paths straight. [Head slap moment]

Surrendering our will, trusting in God, waiting on His timing and not doubting Him is a daily, hourly, minute by minute need [for me] so I thanked God for reminding of this today and I am confessing to all of you that just prayed and repented of all the ways that I try to control everything. Everything!

I asked God to forgive me for trying to “play God” when things aren’t as I wish they were or I “think” they should be. I invited Him to come back and be seated on the throne of my marriage, my relationship with daughters, my jobs, all the people I deeply yearn for to have a relationship with Him (but don’t seem to be “getting it”) and any other selfish things that I am unconsciously, or subconsciously, doing in my own strength. They’re not going to magically disappear I know, but it’s sure going to take the pressure off of me. I have now reprioritized it and released it; accepted and appreciating the reality that only He can do and He will!

It’s so liberating to lay my burdens at His feet and know it’s in better hands. This is where and when I find peace within myself and about all the things that make my world spin like crazy.

If you want to join me and show me that I’m not alone… let me know what it is that you need to release and let go to Him today?

Don’t Vow Lightly


Today’s Devotion: Numbers 6

I write this with a heavy heart. Sometimes I read God’s word and I am reminded of just how small I am in the bigger picture of God’s greater plan. Here in chapter 6 we learn about the Nazarite vow. Essentially, any man or woman of Israel could take a vow for a period of time, or a lifetime, and become a Nazarite. This isn’t just a go-through-the-motions kind of decision, this is all in.

I made a vow to the Lord that I wanted to be a Christian; a follower, believer and  a woman of God. I surrendered it all 10 years ago in that church pew and God took me in. I have had quite a journey with Him and I see the world through a completely different lens still today. My vow, back then was, “LORD, take my business, take my daughter, take my life. I can’t please people anymore, I don’t know what is right or what is wrong. I can’t keep trying to live my life on my own, take it – it’s yours!”

I meant it too. I realized that day that I was done pleasing people and I wanted to live to please the LORD. Oh how I have a short-term memory. I have trampled over that vow many, many times. Some intentionally and some completely unknowingly.

So, why does chapter 6 hit me so hard? Well, it is a reminder of what a vow looks like and how people (Israelite/Nazarites) would willingly, voluntarily subject themselves to not drinking wine or shaving their hair. Pure sacrifice. I can’t say that my life has been a sacrifice. Stuff gets in the way of my relationship with God – busy, selfish, prideful, earthly, human stuff.

Although, God knows I am not capable of being everything Jesus was when He came to earth and He also knows that I do love Him and desire to please Him. Life is so complicated sometimes and sometimes right and wrong aren’t black and white. So this one thing I know… He has a plan for my life and even if I make a mess of it, He will still be my LORD and Savior.

Sometimes when I’m feeling inadequate, these are the promises I rest upon. Perhaps if you feel the same way, we can take the example of the Nazarite vow and remember that God gave us a new day. Take a deep breath and appreciate oxygen, your beating heart, the sight of His creation and know that with this new day, His mercy abounds.

Firstborn Blessings


Today’s Devotional: Numbers 3

In Numbers 3:13 it says, “For all the firstborn are mine. When I struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, I set apart for myself every firstborn in Israel, whether human or animal. They are to be mine. I am the LORD.” I think today He still asks every family to give Him not only our possessions but to give Him the members of our household. Have you dedicated your own to the Lord? Have you turned them over to Him? It is a wonderful thing to be able to dedicate your own to Him. The firstborn belongs to the Lord.

I remember the day I dedicated my first daughter to the Lord. I didn’t know what I was doing actually. Ironically, I gave her to the Lord out of fear. I remember sitting in the pew at church, feeling very overwhelmed with my life at the time, and crying out to God, “LORD, please take my business, my daughter, and my life!” I didn’t know I did something magical that day. Not only for my daughter (who is blossoming into a beautiful child of God), but for me. That day, I meant it… I surrendered it all. That was 14 years ago and here I am today. Thankful for what God has done in my life and continues to do.

God loves children. He says himself in Matthew 18:3-5, “And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” That day in that pew, I was like a little child. I gave my daughter and my life to him with a pure and innocent heart. It was the day my life changed and I will never forget it.

Numbers 3 takes me back to that moment and gives me a sense of acceptance and love. My hope for the readers of my blog that you have that same feeling – that God loves you and you have peace in knowing that you are also one of His own.