Category Archives: Reflections From My Heart

Outside of my daily bible reading, I glean perspectives from my everyday life that I am inspired to share.

Seasons of the Year, a Day, our Lives

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“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
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It was a 21 degree day here in Wisconsin, but the dogs needed a walk and after a half a bag of chocolate covered peanuts, so did I. I got bundled up, tucked my air pods in my ears and headed out into my country neighborhood while listening to “Understanding The Times”, Jan Markell’s weekly podcast.

The battery on my phone was low when I left, but the cold temperatures helped it drain completely leaving me alone with the sound of my feet slapping the pavement and the huffing breaths of my dogs.

Being alone with no one to talk to, I started talking to God and it went something like this:

“Hi God. Thank you for this beautiful day. Yes, it’s cold, but the sun is out and that’s awesome. Thanks for that. Hey God, look at your creation? As if you need to look, you know it already – intimately. It’s amazing. You are so detailed! The sky is breath-taking (as usual) and the trees, Lord, seriously, you made these trees! Your handiwork is crazy perfect. So much so, I can’t even grasp it all. But God… everything looks dead. But it’s not is it? The cool thing is, that in a couple of months it will literally spring to life. It will be gorgeous. I love it when you do that, I love it when you bring the death of winter to life in spring. And then, when summer comes it almost feels like your creation is shouting your name, but then fall comes and everything subsides and returns to winter, again. Looks dead, but not dead?!”

Strange.

“Lord, I guess in many ways this is like my day. I wake up in the morning and my eyes are hardly able to focus. Once I shower, put on make up and prepare myself for the day, I emerge a new person. I go about my day fully alive, vibrant, a representative of being created in your image and fully alive. Yet, upon return home I reduce my pace to slow down and I slip into something more comfortable, wash away all that made me look my best and end my day back in bed. Similar to the trees, I am dead (to the world), but I’m not really, I’m just sleeping. Dormant. At rest.”

“Yet, upon further thought, this is like my life. I was born and incapable of doing anything by myself and for myself, but I grew. Even up into my 20’s, then 30’s, and maybe early 40’s, when I was in full bloom. I looked accomplished, my life appeared to be perfect, all I had worked for had paid off and I felt accomplished. By the world’s standards, I was successful. Yet the birthdays kept coming and now I am much older and in a comfortable place. I have a lot of regrets, but the future has hope. I’ve learned from my mistakes and now my life has so much more purpose. I’m fulfilled, somewhat content, peaceful and grateful. I’m not as interested in being “all put together” anymore. I am much more interested and invested in growing my character, building my legacy and making a tangible difference with my life, in whatever time you have planned for me while I remain on this earth; which could be a day, a year or dozens of more years, but I’m not chasing after any one thing anymore, Lord. I’m living! But I am reminded every single day with the body aches, wrinkles and young adult children, that the end is coming.”

“Here’s the thing. To this world, it will appear that I will die and my life will pass away, but I won’t be dead. My soul won’t die! Just like these trees. I may look like my season or my life has expired and my physical body will be cold, unfruitful and void of any evidence of life, but it’s not true – I will be alive! But instead of lying in bed softly breathing, I will be with you, Father, and we will be together in heaven!”

Girlfriends reading this… Do you see that we are all in a season. In my current season, I am feeling a greater sense of urgency to tell more people what I know, what I have learned and how they can be assured of eternal life like I am. I read my bible everyday and I can’t get enough, it truly is life-giving and inspired by God. I splurged today and bought myself the Charles Spurgeon study bible. In it, I read his biography and he was known as “Prince of Preachers” and I am inspired. Inspired to live and lead a life that makes an impact.

I may not have an audience of millions in my lifetime, like he did, and I most certainly haven’t done anything deserving of a legacy that is preserved for over 200 years as his has, but what if there is one? Is there one of you out there who is reading this and wants to know God and have confidence that they aren’t going to die and knowing where they will spend eternity… heaven or hell?

I don’t care what season of life you are in. I wish I would have asked myself more questions and sought more answers in my teens, 20’s and 30’s. But apparently God wanted to give me a heart and a passion FOR you when I am nearly 50. Are you 70, 80 or 90? What’s your story? Are you ready to meet your creator… or not?

If it is you and you are the one that I am writing this for, will you please email me at liveoutloudblog@gmail.com.

You only have eternity to gain. I’m not scary, I promise. I’m just a girl who loves the Lord and believes there are more people out there that want to know him too.

Sarah

Addicted To God

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I would like to conduct an experiment. What could God do in 30 days if we acted like we were addicted to Him? If you think about addiction, it is all consuming and it, in many cases, dominates our thoughts, actions, choices, plans and resources.

Let me speak from the vantage point of a shopaholic. She has everything a woman could ever ask for; Shoes in every style and color that compliment multiple hats, purses, handbags, jewelry, headbands, jackets and sweaters. Cabinets, drawers and cupboards filled with make up, haircare, nail care, skin care, foot care, lotions, waxers, shavers, anti-aging exfoliants. Drawers overflowing with Victoria’s little secrets along with hangers and hooks dripping with bathrobes, scarves, belts, tights, shawls and wraps. Clothes for every season and activity; from pajamas to workout clothes, casual to business casual and professional skirts, skorts and pants, to after-five little black dresses to formal glitz and glam evening attire. The dimensions of her walk in closet are comparable to a small bedroom, bathroom or den.

She has a credit card for every department store and balances that are inching closer to their credit limit, while that limit seems hard to catch as it keeps increasing due to her “preferred customer” status.

The addict says, “I don’t have enough” and heads out on a hunt for more. She spends hours searching for the perfect, look, deal, color, fit, size, style or item. As she piles the success of her mission onto the checkout counter and her mind races from, “I hope these match with shoes I picked up last year and hadn’t worn yet” to, “I hope this charge goes through.” Relief breaks the fear when the clerk asks, “Would you like to apply for our credit card and “save” 10%? Of course she would!

She gets home and obsesses over what to wear, which accessories match and if she really likes them enough to keep them or if it’s worth the trouble to go back and exchange them? Even though guilt starts to set in, she feels good; it’s like a shot in the arm that reinvigorates her and makes her feel better about herself. She decides that she is worth it, she works hard for it and she deserves it – then off come the tags, the final decision, with rationalized justification, is made.

30-days later the credit card statement reminds her of her due date. What once was a collection of “must-haves” becomes another bill and she can’t understand when and how it got so high. She may have worn them once since she bought them, but they didn’t work out like she thought they would. They now seem to feel too tight or they made her feel fat when they pulled and squeezed in places that made her self-conscious. Discouragement sets in as her debt piles up and her paychecks keep getting smaller. As if that’s not bad enough, she notices other things that she loves but they are showing their wear with fade from washing or they just flat-out lost their trendiness. So off to the store she goes…again!

Imagine if we could take this one example of addiction and transfer that level of consumerism to reading our bibles, studying the word of God and into prayer? What if we could live like the Apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11-13, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

With that kind of strength, we wouldn’t be broke, ungrateful, unsatisfied or discontent and we could “learn” to be content with whatever we have. So unAmerican! Through knowing God, finding our completeness and fulfillment in Him and, quite frankly, acquire an obsession to have more of Him, what could life look like to be addicted to God? What if you were given the living water and never be hungry or thirst again, like Jesus talks about in John 4:15 or 6:35?

Want to give it a try? Commit to 30 days of bible reading. Go to www.facebook.com/godgirlfriends and post your questions, lean into your support system – a community of encouragement. Then report back how you see God work in your life in these next 30 days to inspire others, but most of all to celebrate all you witnessed God doing in your life.

Regardless of your stronghold, addiction, idol or whatever has you in bondage – take the time that you have been previously consumed by and redirect your energy, time and resources into knowing, seeking, reading and focusing on God. The book of Matthew has 28 chapters, Mark 16, Luke 24 and John 21. Pick one! Then read a verse, section, chapter or book for a little OR A LOT of time each day. Challenge yourself to dedicate whatever time you would have otherwise spent on other unfulfilling or unsatisfying things.

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35

I’m praying for you!

-S

What Does The Cross Mean To You?

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Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? Luke 9:23-25

A young lady came into my life recently and we were matched up because she wanted to know God better. To be honest, she had a very convincing testimony and if salvation had a checklist I would argue that she could check every box. I was pleased to see that she already knew a lot of scripture so I assumed my role, as her mentor, would be to show her how she could build daily disciplines into her life, hold her accountable to putting what she read into practice and to encourage her in her walk with the Lord. We both agreed that this would be our goal.

I made her a promise that I would not give her any personal advice, but would point her to scripture that would be useful to teaching rebuking, correcting and training in her righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). With that, I encouraged her to ask questions and to be curious about what she was reading and take time to meditate on how she could apply what she was reading into her life.

Shortly after, her questions started rolling in, I responded with verses that would not only teach her, but affirm her as she would wrestle with the truth. She began to realize that her life wasn’t exactly aligned with what God would want for her and began to open up about her struggles with addition, low self-esteem, anxiety, borderline depression and a complete lack of inner peace.

I kept sharing God’s truth and continued to remind her of who she is in Christ; that she is God’s creation, His handiwork, an heir to the throne and a daughter of the King who is deeply loved. She began rebuking me out of her own disbelief that if that is true about God, why doesn’t she feel that way?

Whoa! There it is… she’s seeking a feeling and desiring after some supernatural, magical, confident state of mind. Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is deceitful above all else, who can understand it and when I shared this with her, she had to admit that this is true of herself. She is being tossed around endlessly by her feelings and is guilty focusing on how she feels rather than on what she knows to be true in scripture.

Girlfriends, God made us to be feelers, thinkers and have emotions, which (I can speak from first hand experience), can be one of the biggest barriers to having an intimate, authentic and personal relationship with God.

We can’t wish ourselves into heaven anymore than we can earn it.

We need to throw our whole entire heart (life) into knowing God and trust every single one of the promises that are given to us in His word. We have to believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what Jesus did on the cross was enough to cover our sins today, tomorrow and for eternity. Until we do, we will live on an emotional rollercoaster and be tossed around and tormented by our feelings – exactly what is happening to her.

It has been weeks of watching her come to the end of herself in this battle of wills – her will vs. God’s will. Last night she finally made this statement, “I know suffering has a purpose but it hurts when in it… I’d like to view it from God’s perspective.”

Oh, the honesty, defeat and vulnerability in those words.

Poor sweet girl (and all of you reading), we DO have God’s perspective and it is found at and in the cross! The cross that performed the greatest, most selfless act in history. The cross, where God’s grace was freely given to us in the form the most sacrificial gift of all time. Not one of us deserve it! It is the most horrific form of suffering, where Jesus was placed on an altar, the altar called the cross, and where his sinless, flawless life was sacrificed and he willingly took all of humanity’s collective sin onto himself paying the ultimate price… death! Satan thought he won, but on the contrary he was never more defeated. Jesus conquered death and he lives!

It is because of this that we surrender our lives to him – our whole selves. He gave everything up for us and held nothing back and when we realize the magnitude of what he did, we willingly, enthusiastically and wholeheartedly give him our lives. When that happens, the Holy Spirit enters us and begins to change us from the inside out. The process takes a lifetime (here on earth), but the assurance of heaven is guaranteed. The changes we begin to see within ourselves are evidence of his transforming work and we not only love ourselves (which covers low self-esteem, doubt and anxiety), but we love others unconditionally.

Today I am going to ask this young lady if she wants to accept the greatest gift of life that God gave to her, because now I can see that she may know scripture intellectually, but not personally. I pray I get to witness the birth of a new believer who comes to know her Father in heaven on Mother’s Day 2020.

Is today that day for you too? Are you done being tossed around by your feelings and emotions and are you ready to accept the greatest gift of all – eternal life through faith in what Jesus did on the cross for you?

I hope so. My greatest pain comes from watching this young lady, and many like her, struggle. Especially because I know that on the other side of this decision is peace that surpasses all understanding, joy that is not contingent to circumstances and love that abounds beyond my ability to describe it.

“Lord, thank you for sending your son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for MY sins; not just the sins of the world, but for ME! Father please forgive me of all my sins – I admit that I can’t save myself; I need a savior. I surrender my life to you, Lord, and I ask that you fill me with your Holy Spirit. That you will guide me everyday for the rest of my life and I thank you for giving me assurance of eternal life through Jesus Christ. In Jesus Name I pray – Amen!”

If you prayed this prayer, Congratulations! Email me at liveoutlougblog@gmail.com and I will share some ideas on how you can take your new found faith and grow it, mature it.

For you and all who have already surrendered your life, we will see you in heaven, sisters in Christ!

 

 

 

Find Joy Out There

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“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12 NIV

Do you feel like you are hanging out there and there is no safe place to set your feet? The headlines are inundated with grim headlines and dire outlooks. I have to admit that I have run the gam-it of emotions over the past several weeks, but the past 3 days that has changed. What changed? According to the world, it’s going to get worse before it gets better… much worse.

The bible tells us otherwise and since the entire bible points to the hope that we have for eternal life in Christ, I am not going to attempt to make that case here, but what I can tell you is that I have been reading in 1 Corinthians and 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 

I have decided that I need to show love. Posting positive messages in social media, buying the order for the car behind me at the drive-thru, randomly texting, emailing or actually picking up the phone and calling people as I think about them. Not surprisingly, it’s easy to catch people these days and they actually have time to talk. The absolute best thing that I started doing is mailing out 3-5 handwritten cards per day to the girlfriends in my life whom I truly miss in this season of social distancing; women I want to encourage and let them know that I am thinking about them and I care about them with my whole heart.

Here is what happened. My heart filled with joy! God is right! Showing love to others and being “others focused” completely transforms your attitude, emotions and  whole disposition. Instead of waking up each morning in a place of discouragement, I awaken with thoughts about whose lives I can make a difference for today. I pray in praise, not in fear, and I thank God for all the blessings I am seeing and how alive I am feeling in the arms of his protection and under the promises of His hope.

So girlfriends, if you are discouraged today, I want to encourage you to find ways to be a blessing to others. Spread faith, hope and love. Let the greatest emotion that you have today be love. 

Share your creative love sending ideas here so we can extend our love to one another and have a toolbox of more ways we can love even bigger and better together!

 

 

 

What Does It Cost?

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Christmas Day. A time to pause and put things into perspective. I’m in awe of what God has done for me and today really brings that to the forefront. As been my tradition to read a chapter per day (each December) in the Book of Luke. There are 24 chapters and 24 days in December before Christmas. Today I read John 1, thinking I may as well keep going, and John 1:14 really hit me in a profound way as it really spells out Christmas! “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

At what cos did he come and make his dwelling among us? Well, it cost Jesus the comfort of heaven to come down to earth and be amongst people. That is crazy! I imagine the richest of rich going to a 3rd world country and trying to live, I can’t even grasp the culture shock of heaven in contrast to earth. I think even I would have tried to negotiate better terms if I were Jesus, to at least land a middle class point of entry, but no, God gives him poverty. Seriously, a manger in a stable and a blue collar working class family? I grew up poor, but I at least have a hospital on my birth certificate and a crib to come home too.

Then there was God’s sacrifice. God knew full-well what he was doing when He decided to place his one and only Son on the earth; which was to die! I mean, what parent does that? My sole purpose for bringing children into this world was NOT to watch them struggle, endure pain and die! Either God, nor Jesus changed their course. God sent his Son to die and Jesus came to earth to die – never wavering.

John 3:16 says it so eloquently. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Within this verse we find the “Why”; that whoever believes in him will not perish.

So what will this cost us? Everything! We have to not only believe that God did, in fact, give up his Son for us, but Jesus took on our sins on his shoulders and cancelled the debt of our sin so we can be right with God and enter heaven with assurance of eternal life.

Today is not just another day, it is a day of sacrifice, love and grace. We are so blessed and it doesn’t take presents, decorated trees, great sales, perky songs or anything that we can see with our eyes or touch with our hands. It takes faith and that then means sacrificing our selfish desires for a life lived out in obedience to Him.

No greater gift!

To receive this gift and transform your life pray these 3 simple things:

  1. Lord, I am a sinner and I need and desire Jesus to be my savior
  2. Please forgive me Lord, I am sorry for what I have done.
  3. I pledge to make you the leader of my life – help me to live for you.

In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!

 

Waiting

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“Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” Psalm 38:15

Do you think about Jesus’ return? I do. Most often it’s when I hear something incomprehensible, where we are left with more questions than answers. Murders, police shootings, devastating forest fires, hurricanes, tsunami’s, suicides, animal cruelty, political tensions, school, church and workplace violence. I could go on and on and if I started naming headlines, not only would we becomed depressed, but it would completely derail the intent of this message.

Today is day 102 in sobriety and I have to admit, I can’t believe it. Has it been easy? I would be lying if I said yes. However, I have read books, Facebook posts, heard testimonies, held conversations and met addicts who have had it, or currently have it, far more difficult than me. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t hit my inevitable rock bottom, but regardless, it truly is a daily decision that, “Today, I will chose to NOT drink.” I do have an appreciation for (and a completely deeper sense of admiration for) ANY one who reclaims their life by living one day at a time in recovery.

One of the thoughts that I used to ponder on the mornings after I had “a few too many” is, “What if Jesus came last night?” Would I be raptured, could I be raptured drunk? After all (to justify myself) the bible says that I am sealed by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:22) and on account of his grace (Ephesians 2:8-9), I assumed I would be fine; but Matthew 24:48-51 says otherwise.

“But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

As you know, I am not a bible scholar, just a girl who loves Jesus and who has felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to get a handle on her drinking; I interpret this to mean, “No!” But even if I’m wrong, these verses are still make it clear that, “To profess to be a Christian and then turn around and behave in a manner that is in complete contrast to a Christian life is hypocritical.” Some of you may not need complete sobriety to do it but, unfortunately, due to the stronghold of addiction, many of us do. May I add that I want to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21), not “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Matthew 23:25).

May I leave you with these verses to be encouraged, which is one that a Godly Girlfriend, sister in Christ, sent to encourage me on a difficult day, “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7-9

Be victorious, through Christ, TODAY!

 

 

Don’t Look At Me That Way

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“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” Romans 12:2

“I quit drinking.”

I just know what is coming next. The person to whom I am speaking drops their shoulders, tilts their chin, leans in closer while shaking their head and says, “I am so sorry, I had no idea that you had a problem.”

Wait, WHAT? I am proud of the fact that I quit drinking. I lost 20 lbs, my clothes fit better and my complexion is clearer. I have more energy, I’m sleeping better and I’m 10x more productive. My head isn’t cloudy, my memory has drastically improved and I am an all around a much happier and healthier person and if you put all these things together, I am a stronger, more confident, better educated, champion in life. I’m not sorry, I’m so excited for all the great benefits that have resulted from this decision that I can’t wait to share it with people!

I do have to give credit to some a select few who do know me and have responded with “Good for you” or “I’m proud of you”, but most often I hear the follow up comment as, “I could never do that!” Yet I’m the one gets sympathy?

Just for kicks, what if we changed the conversation over to, “I quit smoking, I stopped gambling or reigned my dead-end job? What if I gave up carbs, cut back on social media, am avoiding refined sugar or I decide to join Weight Watchers?” Regardless of how bad my problem was in these areas I would likely hear, “Good for you”, “That’s awesome”, or, “I should [fill in the blank].”

Is there a difference?  Yes, stigma!

If you Google “Drinking capital of the US“, the top search will bring you to a 2018 article from USA Today that lists the top 20 drunkest cities and my great state of Wisconsin holds 10 out of the 20 cities listed. Not that my geography has anything to do with my choice to consume or not consume alcohol, but I live smack dab in the middle of the #1 and #3 ranked “drunkest” cities; Green Bay and Appleton. This means that by mere per capita, most everyone that I am sharing this news with probably has an alcohol problem too, but they, within their own state of denial, are extending pity on me? I think it goes without say, but we need to feel sad for them.

It’s been 110-ish days since I personally and consciously made the decision to refrain from drinking alcohol, yet I find myself having “the conversation” and proceed to deny that I have had even a hint of a problem; primarily out of fear, shame or risk of being labeled as an alcoholic – or worse – getting that sympathetic reaction from people.

This reaction that makes me feel ashamed and weak as if I’m an outcast and the local weirdo.

We need to get the word out that people who quit drinking are not victims, sufferers and not everyone who quits drinking has hit some rock bottom that they picked themselves up from. Instead, I would rank them among societies hero’s, conquerors and dedicated over-comers because they have unbelievable will-power, are surrounded by a huge support system and, like me, are empowered to live a better quality of life and are able to see life in vivid technicolor unhindered.

1 Thessalonians 5:6-11, “So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. for those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on the faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath, but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

I also found this Tedx Talk by Clara Pooly and she does a great job of articulating this. We have similar stories and share the same opinion, I encourage you to check it out.

To all my fellow non-drinkers out there. Keep fighting the good fight. Our lives are better for it and next time someone shakes their head and asks surprised that they didn’t know you had a problem, do a better job of standing tall. I have some work to do.

With Great Expectation

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Light shines on the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.  Psalm 97:11

A friend recently said to me, “God is so pleased with you right now, His face is shining down on you because you quit drinking.” I listened in disbelief and thought to myself, “Really?”

The truth is, “Yes, really.” I can be certain of that because I know truth and the truth is that God loves me and when I am living in obedience, he promises blessings. I did a bible search for the word “desires” and 50 results came up. Among them is Psalm 145: 17-19, “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of tho who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them” (NIV).

I know God has been telling me for a long time that drinking has been a blemish that tarnishes my claim to be a believer, and as you know from blogs past, I had to quit drinking to be obedient.

God is faithful and just, when God wants you to know he’s not pleased with some aspect of your life, he has a way of letting you know.

Fortunately I didn’t need to need a wake up call like a DUI or worse!

I do have a confession (since it’s just us girlfriends). On my celebratory day 61, I had a glass of wine and, to be honest, I did it with full intention because I wanted to test myself. I wanted to see if #1 – I could stop at just one, #2 – that I could control my drinking and possibly go back to being a social drinker if I could prove that I had a “handle on it” and #3 – Because I didn’t think it would be considered relapse if I didn’t drink under stress, duress or weakness.

Here is what this experiment taught me: #1 – I have incredible willpower because despite the strong temptation to order a second drink, I stayed true to myself and only had one #2 – I cannot go back to being a social drinker because the in the sobriety community says, “You take the first drink, the drink takes a second drink and the third drink takes you.” This is a battleground, this saying is true! and #3 – My amazing support system pointed out that what I did is, in fact, relapse, there is no such thing as “testing addiction” (Oops!).

So, here’s to today and celebrating, what I call my “Dover 30 days” for my do over and I’m 30 days sober (again!). Today I live in the confidence that God IS shining down with pleasure upon me for choosing him over alcohol. I am at peace and I know he is pleased with me and out of my heart of obedience, I await the blessings.

Praise be to God!

40 Days With A Purpose

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It was 2002 that I picked up Rick Warren’s nationwide best seller, “The Purpose Driven Life.” At that point in my life, my husband and two daughters had just moved to Appleton, Wisconsin and I found myself with no friends, a business that felt like pushing a snowball uphill and overwhelming grief over the life we left behind in Milwaukee. Simply put, I was depressed. One day I found myself aimlessly wandering through the isles of the neighborhood bookstore when the subtitle of Mr. Warren’s book literally jumped off the shelf, “What on earth am I here for?”  Which was the exact question I was asking myself, “Why on earth am I in Appleton, Wisconsin?”

I later found that the book was about why God put me on this earth and what his purpose was for my life – which did ultimately lead me to a surrendered life in Jesus Christ – but, I believe it was no coincidence that I found this book and because of it, I gained friends, found a church and re-prioritized my life.

As you read the first few pages, the book explains that it was written to be a 40-day journey and parallels that with the statement, “Whenever God wanted to prepare someone for his purposes, he took 40 days.” Noah had 40 days of rain, Moses transformed by 40 days on Mt. Sinai, the spies had 40 days in the promise land. David and Goliath’s 40-day challenge, Elijah, Jonah in Nineveh, Jesus in the wilderness and 40 days on earth in his resurrected body. 40 days (biblically) is a really big deal!

Well, I have been sober 45 days and there is no doubt that God is doing some wonderful things in my life. As I shared in a previous blog, I have been an avid YouTube watcher, looking for any and all topics that educate, inspire and explain why I don’t need alcohol or shouldn’t touch the stuff. I have benefited from having more energy, better sleep and a crisp clear mind. I’m down 12lbs, gained an amazing circle of support, am cherishing the quality of time that I am getting with my husband and daughters and have a renewed vigor about life, goals and my future. [If you are following me, I recorded at my 30 day milestone that I applied for a master’s in counseling program and I found out (on my 40th day of living sober) that I have been accepted.  Wahoo!!!!]

All this to say, 40 days truly can change your life. However, I do not want to give someone false hope though. What makes 40 days truly magical, is how closely you cling to God.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:4

I want to share one particular story that will forever be imprinted on my heart because God showed up when I needed him most. My life long girlfriend was coming to town and a few weeks prior she asked if I wanted to go golfing. I was within my first two weeks of not drinking and this particular friend is my most fun drinking buddy. When we are together, we are fun! I wanted to decline, but I mustered up the strength to say yes; believing that a true friend would accept and respect my decision. Well, that’s only one side of it. The other side is that it’s golf, and I golf better after I have had a few drinks and to be totally honest, it’s one of those activities that drinking is just part of why I like to golf. This temptation is beyond what I imagined I would be able to bear.

For weeks I was anxious over this and I almost cancelled numerous times, but I really missed my friend and wanted to spend time with her. When the day finally came, I threw myself into my bible and lamented in prayer, “God help me, I do not have the strength to do this on my own.” Just as God is God, he met me right where I was at and brought me to Deuteronomy 30:11, “The command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you, and it is not beyond your reach.”

I cried like a baby, those were the EXACT words I needed (in addition the verses 12-20) and I persevered. It was hard, I’m not going to kid you, but I was empowered, by God, to golf without drinking. It remains my proudest milestone accomplishment to date.

So, I post this today to update my followers on my status, encourage those who are on a journey of their own and celebrate what God has done in just 45 days. My friend, Maggie, says, “I know God has performed miracles in my life, my entire life, but when you visibly see God move a mountain right in front of you, Whoa!” I can personally say that I have witnessed mountains move.

When God puts his finger on your sin or wants you to obey him in an area where your life doesn’t necessarily align with what his purpose is for you, buckle your seat belt because it’s going to be quiet a ride. Here’s to the next 40 days!

 

Tips For Sober Living

Posted in Reflections From My Heart by

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“Let us examine our ways and test them,
    and let us return to the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:40

Last week I poured out my soul to you with a confession that I have made the decision to live sober. It was my “coming out” post to let the Godly Girlfriends community know that I have been moved, by God, to address my drinking problem. (Geez, that is still hard to own up to – Just sayin’!)

If there is one thing that I have learned in my first 30 days of sobriety, is that you can NOT do it alone. I tend to live my life as an open book, but this is deeply personal so putting this out there really takes vulnerability to a whole new level.

Today I would like to share a list of what has prevented me from giving in to all the temptations that I have encountered over the past month. My goal is to inspire others who are following my journey, looking for the courage and motivation to embark upon their own journey or for you to share with someone on a similar journey who could use some fresh ideas.

No matter what, please don’t judge me. I don’t have the perfect antidote, nobody does, but in these first 30 days, I have learned a lot about myself and this disease so I’m putting it out there. It’s what is working for me:

  1. Life Recovery Bible: I don’t know how anyone can do this without a Life Recovery Bible. It has given me daily biblical lessons that have put my addiction into perspective given me the strength to kick addiction off the pedestal of my life. In addition, I watch the Life Recovery Videos that compliment each step in the bible and the recovery system to further guide my thoughts and support my healing.
  2. Join a Celebrate Recovery Support Group: I can’t speak for AA because I haven’t been there, but I have known enough people in recovery (family members included) who have been successful in AA and have greatly benefited from that framework. I commend anyone who relies on their AA network of support. I have deliberately chosen a Celebrate Recovery (CR) Group because CR focuses on the healing power and sovereign grace of God; not my own manifestation of a higher power. Without having the one and only true God along side of me on this journey, I would not only be unsuccessful at overcoming addiction, but helpless to overcome all the proverbial curve balls that life throws my way.
  3. Countless YouTube Videos: I searched for every topic that I could think of and I listen constantly. In 30 days, I haven’t stumbled upon a repeat video yet. The messages, testimonies, education and knowledge that I have gleaned has given me answers that not only give me the assurance that I’m not alone, but this is possible. Some of the topics that I searched were Ted Talks about sobriety, detoxing, liver damage, sober stories, alcohol use disorder, overcoming cravings, signs of alcoholism, what is an alcoholic, functional alcoholics, women and alcohol, how to eliminate bloating, how to stay sober and what it means to be an alcoholic – to name a few.

    I owe the Life Recovery Bible, my Celebrate Recovery Group and the hosts of the numerous YouTube video’s credit for the remaining tips, but regardless of how I derived at them, they are working and I hope they work for you or someone you love too.

  4. Alcohol is poison: In my research on health, consequences of consuming alcohol and liver damage has given me enough ammunition to refuse to drink. You don’t have to go far to learn the negative repercussions of alcohol on the mind and body, but when you’re enjoying drinking why would you want to know you’re killing yourself? Making the psychologically shift from seeing alcohol a reward or a much deserved selfish indulgence to seeing it as something that will kill you can have a life altering impact.
  5. I want to feel: When you’re not putting yourself to bed and night with a bottle of wine and waking yourself up every morning with a pot of coffee, the world is beautiful in a new and fresh way. The sunset’s are breathtaking and the sunrise’s are indescribable. I love seeing the beauty in the world and appreciating all the moments that I now have to pause and appreciate them.
  6. I hate “Day One”. As much as my last 30 days have been consistent and without relapse, I have been motivated, many times, by the motivation to not have to start over. The thought of going back to day one after putting in this much work and adding another number to my sober days has helped me remain strong.
  7. Record Milestones. First holiday, first time golfing, first Friday night, first full weekend or whatever victory I am proud of achieving. I heard that it requires one year of “firsts” to fully appreciate the exhilarating feeling of being fully liberated from the triggers of alcohol. Also in the time frame of one year, you’ll have the time to create new experiences and build positive memories. As much as this is a “one day at a time” process, there truly is something inspiring of having a whole year of new beginnings. With each recorded milestone, my enthusiasm for a better future grows.
  8. Find new things to love. I love a hot cup of camomile tea before bed. I love reading a good book, working out and checking things off of my to-do list. When I used to come home from work and pour myself a glass of wine, that was putting an end to any productivity I planned to have for the night. I considered packing my gym bag without forgetting anything for the morning after workout was considered a successful night. I now appreciate the feelings of accomplishment, personal growth, good health and productivity. I especially love waking up in the morning with a clear, rested mind and energy! The sense of accomplishment I get from not drinking (again) the night before is exhilarating.
  9. Examine my motives. In one video I learned to ask myself “why I want a drink” each time I feel tempted. I remember pulling into my garage in week 1 and being inundated with thoughts of pouring myself a glass of wine as soon as I could get in the house. I caught myself and consciously asked “Why?” My list of reasons that I wanted a drink was weak; to say the least. From, “I just want one” to “I need to relax” to “It’s been a long day” or “It will help me sleep.” Once I deconstructed each reason for the root of why I really wanted a drink, I was able to disprove the reasons and redirect my desires toward healthier options. I learned I was drinking more out of habit, then for any true, rational or beneficial reason.
  10. Find an accountability partner(s). One of the first things that I was told early on is that I need an accountability partner. For me, this was my best friend. Someone whom I love and deeply respect too much to let down. She welcomed the opportunity to take on this tough-love assignment and she regularly sends check-in texts, unexpected daily reminders and sweet, sweet messages of encouragement and prayers that she is praying for me. With cheerleaders, advocates and non-judgemental safety nets that I have established, I seek their approval and affirmations and look forward to reporting my daily successes to them. I must add that my brother’s sobriety is motivating me. He may or may not, but I feel that he is relying on my strength and want to inspire him and show him that I am in the trenches with him. This feels like a bigger victory in that our family history is overtaken by this disease. Together, we can prevail!
  11. Make a Why List. Denial and justification for drinking is relentless and sneaks up at random and unexpected times. My mind swings from, “This is too easy” to “clearly I don’t have a problem.” That is until one of my triggers flare up and I start entertaining the idea that “just one won’t hurt.” I made a list of 10 reasons why I don’t drink which takes me back to the place that I was when I made this decision 30 days ago and the exact that I declared “enough is enough.” When I revisit that list I am reminded of the guilt, shame, regret and embarrassing memories or strong convictions that gave me the strength to stop. I don’t advocate for living in the past, but remembering where you’ve been and how far you have come is empowering. I’ll take that!
  12. Facebook Group: I searched and found “Slaying Sobriety” on Facebook. This group has over 6,000 women who have their own stories and I appreciate immediate responses with support, encouragement and connectivity to others who understand where I am at. I have encouraged others and they have encouraged me in my moments of weakness.
  13. A Lifestyle Choice. There is no denying the stigma of addiction, alcoholic and drunk. A clever marketer on YouTube suggested that we choose the label we want to bare, rather than hanging our head in defeat. After all, we may be alcoholics by genetics, mental health, past trauma or just fun people who took fun to far and for too long. Regardless, we don’t need society to make us outcasts. Instead, we choose sober living, living sober or life in recovery as a more positive representation of those of us who want better life and are making better choices for ourselves. Nobody criticizes a diabetic for taking insulin for their disease, why should we be ridiculed for ridding our lives of alcohol that makes us sick and will kill us.
  14. A Better Future. I often think about the years of drinking. I have been drinking more than 35 years. I get excited to imagine my next 35 years where I will have fewer regrets, more opportunities, better memories and more genuine friendships. As much as drinking is a societal norm, it is also derails our quality of life.
  15. A New Me. I’m having fun getting to know the new me, I really am. A girl who is full of life with a broader, more hope-filled vision for the future. Let’s be real, it’s not a great and wonderful experience… I’m making it one. There are moments that I do wish I could just take it or leave it, but I have had to get honest with myself and I have a track record of not winning in this area. I find myself dreaming again and imagining what more life holds. I am waiting to see if I get accepted into the Master’s of Counseling Program at Concordia University as we speak. I like the idea that it’s not to late to be what God created me to be.

Thank you for following my journey. Not only with alcohol, but in my walk of faith and continuous growth in knowing God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV