“For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.” Romans 1:20 NLT
Yet, Job wonders where he is. I love Job and his “humanness”. Who hasn’t wanted to find God to sit down and have a talk with him. We would ask questions like, “Why God…?”
Job also gives us the answer, “When he tests me, I will come out as pure gold.”
Hang in there. Keep the faith. Trust God even when you cannot understand what he is doing or why he is doing it. You will come through it as pure gold… refined, magnificent, invaluable, and shining brighter.
Who would think respect is given from overlooking wrongs? I grow up in a household with tempers that demanded respect. Oh, how our home would have been so much more peace and loving if this were applied.
You may need to read my last blog post to get the whole story, but even if you don’t, I have a true life lesson that proves that the sky is the limit when you take your wants, needs, and desires to God in prayer.
I have been working a part-time job for over 18 months. I started this gig in December of 2020 with the expectation that I would only need to do it for 6 months. My goals, at that time, were (1) to get out of the house and around people during the worst of the COVID pandemic, (2) do something physical and get out of the house, and (3) survive our dark, cold, long, Wisconsin winter. As news to me, God had a better idea. His goals were (1) I would actually enjoy working a second job (2) this would be an active mission field to reach unchurched people in my community, and (3) to address my (almost) $24,000 in credit card debt.
A few months ago I routinely sat down with my prayer journal and I expressed to God that I was tired. With both jobs combined, I was working up to 60 hours a week and I told him that I really needed a break. My current balance on my credit card (at that time) was just under $4,000. I had come so far that I could see that being credit card debt-free was within reach. But, I also asked God to expedite my debt pay off because I didn’t want to do this anymore. As I recorded these requests, I consciously remember thinking, “How are you going to do this God? I’m asking to work less or not at all, but at the same time get paid more? These prayers contradict!”
I proceeded to close my journal and I just left it right there as I do everyday and with every prayer. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder if I expected God to actually answer my prayers that day, or was it just me whining? After all, it is such a fleshly human characteristic to “want our cake and eat it too”, right? Several weeks passed and I forgot that prayer or whining session; whichever you want to call it. Despite being tired, sheer determination and an unwavering commitment to achieve my $0 balance credit card goal kept me going. I endured more long work days, making sacrifices to my social calendar and family time, missing out on community events and completely neglecting housework. Dust bunnies can wait until my debt is paid off, I thought to myself. But then one day God answered my prayer and not how I would have ever imagined.
I got hurt – really hurt!
I was at work and it seemed as if it were just another night, but on this particular night, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was squished by an almost 4,000 pound box. I’ll spare you the details, but after a 5 hour wait in the Emergency Room, I was treated for a sprained wrist, elbow, ankle and a large laceration on the back of my right heel. Oh-it-could-have-been-so-much-worse! Following the accident, I was unable to work for 2 complete weeks (because I was physically unable to stand or walk for any length of time, prohibiting me from being able to perform the light duty work that they tried to give me). Two weeks to rest, ice and elevate. Did you catch that? (2 weeks!)
The other miracle was, when I did return to work, the partial disability checks paid from workman’s comp more than doubled my normal take home pay. (Doubled!) It was about 3 weeks after the accident that it all hit me. Not only did God gave me my much needed break BUT He expedited my debt pay off – Simultaneously! Exactly as I had prayed for it.
As of today, I my balance is $227 and I am days away from being credit card debt free and close friend asked me what I plan to do to celebrate this monumental accomplishment? After giving it some thought I decided I am going to commemorate God’s goodness in not just this, but in every aspect of my life, by getting a tattoo on my ankle (after it is healed) that reads, “My debt is paid.”
Our God loves us so much. He cares deeply for us. He is able to do so much more than we can ask or imagine. Be careful what you pray for, it might hurt.
It was November 2020. Each day the hours of darkness grow while the hours of daylight recede. The house was dark when I sat down in my home office and again when I would shut my computer down for the day. I would make my way to the kitchen around the 5:00 hour to grab an unhealthy, processed, instant food to heat up in the microwave or pizza oven and I would finish the day on my recliner where I would polish off a bottle of wine while staring at another [television] screen to occupy my boredom and exhaust the remaining hours until bedtime. Awakening to a pot of bold caffeinated coffee to do it all over again. Day after day I kept thinking, “This isn’t living”.
The pandemic was doing what any extrovert dreads – isolation, lack of social connectedness, limited variety in activity and repetition. Feeling depression growing ever deeper within me, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sure, I could exercise, but only to, yet, another screen. I could bundle up and get some crisp, fresh, cold November air, but why would I do that? It’s cold, it’s dark. So what do you do when you feel life draining from you? Out of desire to reverse the dark hole I was finding myself digging day after day, I took a personal assessment and questioned myself, “What do I need right now and where can I find it?” I need people! I need physical activity! I need to stop trying to satisfy the void in my life with wine, unhealthy foods, watching depressing news and binge shopping on Amazon.
My conclusion? Get a second job! So I did. A part-time job in the evenings at Fedex Express! My husband doubted I could do it because the criteria was having the ability to work in extreme temperatures and lift up to 50 pounds. His doubt was enough for this old farm girl to give it a try and here I am, a little over one year later, in cold, frigid Wisconsin February, with $15,000 less debt, an entirely new circle of friends. Conversely, I feel GREAT, blessed, motivated and proud. I even took off a few pounds. #WINNING!
God is so amazing. He used my discomfort, debt, depression and discouragement and gave me a whole new perspective on life. I can’t tell you how much I now see the world in a whole new way through this experience. First and foremost, I will no longer underestimate how God can use our grim circumstances to plant us right in the middle of somewhere that gives you so much more than you could ever ask or imagine. Secondly, how much we need to appreciate people who do what they do so we can get our products conveniently delivered to our door. Be sure to thank a delivery person!
Another way God amazed me is that He gave me a mission field. I don’t have anything to lose by talking about Jesus at Fedex so as we’re stacking boxes, unloading trucks, loading the big plane or tackling a project together, we get to know one another. I get to hear about their love for video games, pets, kids, cars and music. I learn about some of their dating, family and health challenges and a subject near and dear to my heart, their hurts, habits and hang ups; otherwise known as addictions. I get to pray for them, and I do, daily. My Fedex team has become a very important part of my life and I am seriously dreading the day when God redirects me to somewhere new. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about leaving, but we’re still waiting for Covid to be declared an endemic so I’m actually very happy to spend my evenings with my new found friends. The moral to my story is this: I know people are out there whose mental health has taken it’s toll be it from isolation, stress, fear, darkness, boredom, debt. I know that what you are dealing with is very serious and it is real and it is hard. Do a self assessment like I did. What do you need right now and where can you find it? Then pray and ask God to guide you into something, some place, some where, that will lift you up, transform your life and bring fresh perspective to how He can use you, grow you and above all restore you. Maybe it is a second job, maybe it’s a new hobby, activity or volunteer opportunity, but a ministry. Our God works in mysterious ways and there is no question that He knows what we need more than we do.
So let me end with this…
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:6-8
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
The book of Acts is incredible. It’s like a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time. Today I read Acts 27:13-26 and couldn’t help but recognize some parallels between the storm they were facing and the storms that I face in my own life.
My Wiersbe Bible Commentary says, “Sometimes we get ourselves into storms for the same reasons: impatience, accepting expert advice that is contrary to God’s will, following the majority, and trusting ‘ideal’ conditions. ‘He that believes shall not make haste’ (Isaiah 28:16). It pays to listen to God’s Word.”
CONVICTING! I have done this – I do this still! Practicing everything but not listening and willingly obey God’s Word.
I have gotten better at this because I do find myself praying to God, “This is just too big for me or too much for me to handle, I know I have to trust YOU with this, Lord.” Admittedly, I should just say, “You got this God” and then confidently trust Him, but no, I don’t naturally do that. God and me, we arm wrestle sometimes. I give it to Him and take it back, and then give it to Him again, only to take it back. Finally I fatigue and throw my arms up and proclaim, “You win!”
It is so me to have to get to the end of myself first and THEN give it to God. I’m just being real here.
The verse within this section that glared me straight in the face is verse 20b that says, “We finally gave up all hope of being saved.” God does bring us to the end of ourselves, doesn’t He? After we have “tried” to do everything we humanly can to “fix” our circumstances, rationalize our efforts and work our way through the messes (as if our lives depended on it), instead of trusting on the Lord with all our hearts and leaning NOT on our own understanding, but in ALL our ways, to acknowledge Him first, so He can make our paths straight. [Head slap moment]
Surrendering our will, trusting in God, waiting on His timing and not doubting Him is a daily, hourly, minute by minute need [for me] so I thanked God for reminding of this today and I am confessing to all of you that just prayed and repented of all the ways that I try to control everything. Everything!
I asked God to forgive me for trying to “play God” when things aren’t as I wish they were or I “think” they should be. I invited Him to come back and be seated on the throne of my marriage, my relationship with daughters, my jobs, all the people I deeply yearn for to have a relationship with Him (but don’t seem to be “getting it”) and any other selfish things that I am unconsciously, or subconsciously, doing in my own strength. They’re not going to magically disappear I know, but it’s sure going to take the pressure off of me. I have now reprioritized it and released it; accepted and appreciating the reality that only He can do and He will!
It’s so liberating to lay my burdens at His feet and know it’s in better hands. This is where and when I find peace within myself and about all the things that make my world spin like crazy.
If you want to join me and show me that I’m not alone… let me know what it is that you need to release and let go to Him today?
The heaven’s proclaim the glory of God, the skies display His craftsmanship. Psalm 19:1 NLT
Some days I feel ordinary, other days I feel extraordinary, most days I feel inadequate and unworthy, but today I find peace, acceptance, contentment and gratitude.
Isn’t the human mind a powerful thing?
The bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 that the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked, who really knows how bad it is?
What does the mind and heart have in common? Desire!
Therefore, I interpret this verse to mean that when we are guided by our feelings we are unstable, insecure, irrational and not able to live up to our full potential. Without the confidence of being in harmony with our creator God, nothing makes sense. It leaves our heart yearning for something that appears to be missing and our minds seek out solutions in an attempt to fill the void and when the “fix” can’t be found or felt, it gets discouraged, resorts to defeat and resolves to helplessness.
How do people who don’t have a relationship with God or who can’t find happiness in this world manage their emotions? Suicide? Depression? Addiction? Self Destruction? Violence? Sexual pleasure? Change their gender? Counseling? Abuse of others? Attempt to dominate or control other people? Withdraw from social circles? Become argumentative or defensive in conversations? Withhold love?
I am so, so thankful that when my world starts spinning that I remember to run toward the one and only true source of power, strength, stability, truth and acceptance.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
It was a 21 degree day here in Wisconsin, but the dogs needed a walk and after a half a bag of chocolate covered peanuts, so did I. I got bundled up, tucked my air pods in my ears and headed out into my country neighborhood while listening to “Understanding The Times”, Jan Markell’s weekly podcast.
The battery on my phone was low when I left, but the cold temperatures helped it drain completely leaving me alone with the sound of my feet slapping the pavement and the huffing breaths of my dogs.
Being alone with no one to talk to, I started talking to God and it went something like this:
“Hi God. Thank you for this beautiful day. Yes, it’s cold, but the sun is out and that’s awesome. Thanks for that. Hey God, look at your creation? As if you need to look, you know it already – intimately. It’s amazing. You are so detailed! The sky is breath-taking (as usual) and the trees, Lord, seriously, you made these trees! Your handiwork is crazy perfect. So much so, I can’t even grasp it all. But God… everything looks dead. But it’s not is it? The cool thing is, that in a couple of months it will literally spring to life. It will be gorgeous. I love it when you do that, I love it when you bring the death of winter to life in spring. And then, when summer comes it almost feels like your creation is shouting your name, but then fall comes and everything subsides and returns to winter, again. Looks dead, but not dead?!”
Strange.
“Lord, I guess in many ways this is like my day. I wake up in the morning and my eyes are hardly able to focus. Once I shower, put on make up and prepare myself for the day, I emerge a new person. I go about my day fully alive, vibrant, a representative of being created in your image and fully alive. Yet, upon return home I reduce my pace to slow down and I slip into something more comfortable, wash away all that made me look my best and end my day back in bed. Similar to the trees, I am dead (to the world), but I’m not really, I’m just sleeping. Dormant. At rest.”
“Yet, upon further thought, this is like my life. I was born and incapable of doing anything by myself and for myself, but I grew. Even up into my 20’s, then 30’s, and maybe early 40’s, when I was in full bloom. I looked accomplished, my life appeared to be perfect, all I had worked for had paid off and I felt accomplished. By the world’s standards, I was successful. Yet the birthdays kept coming and now I am much older and in a comfortable place. I have a lot of regrets, but the future has hope. I’ve learned from my mistakes and now my life has so much more purpose. I’m fulfilled, somewhat content, peaceful and grateful. I’m not as interested in being “all put together” anymore. I am much more interested and invested in growing my character, building my legacy and making a tangible difference with my life, in whatever time you have planned for me while I remain on this earth; which could be a day, a year or dozens of more years, but I’m not chasing after any one thing anymore, Lord. I’m living! But I am reminded every single day with the body aches, wrinkles and young adult children, that the end is coming.”
“Here’s the thing. To this world, it will appear that I will die and my life will pass away, but I won’t be dead. My soul won’t die! Just like these trees. I may look like my season or my life has expired and my physical body will be cold, unfruitful and void of any evidence of life, but it’s not true – I will be alive! But instead of lying in bed softly breathing, I will be with you, Father, and we will be together in heaven!”
Girlfriends reading this… Do you see that we are all in a season. In my current season, I am feeling a greater sense of urgency to tell more people what I know, what I have learned and how they can be assured of eternal life like I am. I read my bible everyday and I can’t get enough, it truly is life-giving and inspired by God. I splurged today and bought myself the Charles Spurgeon study bible. In it, I read his biography and he was known as “Prince of Preachers” and I am inspired. Inspired to live and lead a life that makes an impact.
I may not have an audience of millions in my lifetime, like he did, and I most certainly haven’t done anything deserving of a legacy that is preserved for over 200 years as his has, but what if there is one? Is there one of you out there who is reading this and wants to know God and have confidence that they aren’t going to die and knowing where they will spend eternity… heaven or hell?
I don’t care what season of life you are in. I wish I would have asked myself more questions and sought more answers in my teens, 20’s and 30’s. But apparently God wanted to give me a heart and a passion FOR you when I am nearly 50. Are you 70, 80 or 90? What’s your story? Are you ready to meet your creator… or not?
If it is you and you are the one that I am writing this for, will you please email me at liveoutloudblog@gmail.com.
You only have eternity to gain. I’m not scary, I promise. I’m just a girl who loves the Lord and believes there are more people out there that want to know him too.
Godly Girlfriends 